Day 8

I watched TV for about an hour. Lesson learned and just want to move on. it doesn't have to take me back to square 1 again.
Although, I have to admit, I did not feel obligated to sit tight and watch more as I could've. I turned it off and went upstairs to sleep.

Day 6&7

So far no TV.... Mainly bc, my kid is down with a stomach flu. This is her first stomach flu. Its very hard to see her so down. Being a trooper, she is fighting the infection with all her might.

Mukhunda Mukhunda Krishna Mukhunda Mukhunda...
Varam tha Varam tha Brinda vanam tha van tha....is what cheering her up.

What really wells me up, she hasn't complained ONCE through this entire episode. She is truly very patient and brave. :-)

She never ceases to amaze me and teach me along the way..:-) Thank you my darling. I hope and pray you get better soon.

Day 5

Now I can say, Im making progress. Friday night never, I mean NEVER, goes by without TV. We went out for weekly shopping. Usually that gets done on tuesdays one the way Home. Thanks to my boss, I had to skip this week for an urgent issue.
This morning I woke up at my usual time with a very clear mind. I couldn't help but watch my kid cuddled up against me for a few minutes. With warm bodies on my either side in deep slumber, I laid there for few more minutes... Then got up..... made a cup of tea. Every sip was absolutely divine. Everything was still and quite... with a smell of fresh spring air, with birds chirping and no cars rushing by in weekday madness. It is definitely worth doing it.

To add icing on the cake, I've lost 6 lbs this past two weeks. All that extra time on making fresh lunches and breakfasts are paying off. I've also been eating sensibly lately. I still indulge in cuppa chai every morning. Im not very disciplined with my eating habits yet. Its just that I haven't skipped a meal this past week and I haven't had anything after 8:30pm. I want to add excercise in my routine with all that extra time. (yes.. I keep saying that very often... bc I have a list.)

More soon...

Day 4

For minute, I was tempted to turn TV on. Or maybe it was out of habit. To my knowledge that is the ONLY way I have ever spent time to tune out or relax or whatever.
Last night, my partner did the dishes while I helped my kid out of day clothes, wash up, read few books and off to bed. I went to bed early too :-)

The real challenge is ahead: weekend. That is when I watch movies, Back to back reruns of CSI, Monk, Law&Order.

Being Punctual...

.... is unknown to me.. :-(

I find myself at work at 10:00am every morning. Its an hour late by standards. But, my workplace does allow 10-4 mandatory presence and to show 8 hrs working hours. I usually work 10-6. I think its Ok to come at 10. In reality, its a cat race. Im ALWAYS rushing... EVERYwhere...
I find myself atleast 5-50 min late to every doctors appoinment, meetings, parties. It gives a very bad impression. First few minutes are embarassing as apologizing takes up most of my time as opposed spending time on introducing myself. :-((
It drives my partner crazy. :-( My partner would lecture about how embarassing it will be to turn up late for your OWN party.!!
One the way to *appointment*, I replay millions of reasons in my head for being late. **Office call; My kid threw up( yes, I've said that before... I know, Im pathetic!); My kid threw a fit; Oh, I didn't realise it was 5( though you knew, like they would buy it); Horrible accident on the way; Too much traffic;**
I have breakfast in the car; Brush my hair in the car; I rush in the traffic; Take risk when the signal turns amber; Not exactly stop at *stop* sign; Not safe. Why? To make up for the lost minute. It takes fun out of everything. Why do I put myself through this torture? Its draining me out. Want to break this habit so badly and put some thought into planning.

Will be posting more about this in the coming weeks. I don't want to make drastic changes in my routine too soon. Im afraid it might spoil the flow. Ban on TV is a BIG one as it is. But, Im going to take baby steps with the morning routine. Maybe do some prep work at night with that extra time I have. ;-)

Certainly a good one to try...

Day 3

Its been three days in row that I have put dinner on the table in record time. Finished dinner by 8:00pm. Got my kid off for a wash up and change into PJs. Did the dishes in the meantime. Warm milk by 8:30pm and in bed by 9:00pm. That is not too bad. :-) I had LOT of time to watch TV. But, was too sleepy to watch TV. Happily snoring by 10:00pm.

I have to admit. Was actually tempted to ask my partner to whip up something for dinner and just let myself indulge in some TV. I truly didn't want to get back into that vicious circle and besides April 22nd is a good target. I have tried to quit TV many times before. But no avail. This is a new approach. Im hoping this would work.

But, this also means, I have to give up movies altogether during weekend. Weather is getting better so gonna plan trekking or hiking.

NO TV for 30 days - Day 2

Have you heard of addiction to TV. Yes, you heard it right... mind-numbing, time-killing Television addiction. I do that from 9:30pm to 12:00am... sometimes, till 1:00am.
Here are the reasons I watch TV:
1. I need a break after a long day at work, day-to-day chores and chaos. I think, I deserve it.
2. Its easy to tune out the world when you watch, Monk, CSI, Law&Order, Dr.House, Everybody Loves Raymond, Friends... even *Matlock* (I know, Im pathetic.)
3. You get to solve crimes, doctor, laugh, bicker, criticize, cry, judge somebody but you for a change.. etc You get be somebody else. Its easy to get away.
4. Lazy: Its easy to flip channels than to plan for the future or your kids' future or even cleanup your home.
5. I just cannot stay AWAY from it.

So, here I am trying to NOT watch TV for 30 days, until April 22nd. Yesterday was Day - 2. I retired to bed early.

I have plans for tonight. Lets see how that goes....

Things that fear me the most...

..
1. My kid grows up to be a irresponsible and unorganized human being
2. That I would grow old very unhealthy, vulnerable, sick and irritating self-absorbed person.
3. That I would forget how confident and intelligent I once was.
4. That I would become depressed and as a result would burden/influence otherwise easy-going, happy partner.

If I don't rectify myself now, Im really worried that all these things I fear would come true.

NO TV for 30 days - Day 1

I have imposed myself a ban on TV watching for 30 days and spend that extra time on the need-to-be-done list. I tend to turn it on at 9:30pm when my kid goes to bed.
I have two good books waiting to be read for the past month.
Will blog more about the withdrawal symptoms and how I'll be able to overcome that.

Updated to add:
Isn't first day always the easiest. Picked up a good book from the library. All set for the first day of TV ban. Didn't even go past the first page. I slept like a baby. Maybe sleep is all I wanted. Lets see how Day 2 goes.

Where do I begin?

If I am not needed, then why am I even here?!?
Why do I feel lonely even when Im surrounded by family. Why do I take pleasure in hurting the only person who has anything for me? Why do I feel like crap having done that?
Why do I think, Im not doing my best as a parent? Even when I do my best, why am I scared that my kid will also turn out to be as screwed up as me?
Why do I get very defensive the minute Im questioned.... I have so many questions.....

When I was growing up, I always wanted my life to be very simple. If anything, it is more complex than I imagined.

My mind is cluttered.. Space around me is cluttered... Where do I begin? I don't know.

God, please, help me clear things up!!